With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, there are usually 3 different kinds of camps that exist: those who are excited and happy about this lovely holiday, those who dread any mention of “will you be mine?”, and then those who are simply indifferent to the 14th being anything more than just another day. Whichever spot you find yourself in this year, and whatever you’re feeling, is 100% valid.
Yet, at the same time we are, in fact, human beings that need to be loved and connected. All of us. Yes, you too. Don’t believe us? Check Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs-the third level is a sense of love, belonging, and connection.
Now, the key here is, “love” is not just of the romantic variety, as this holiday, along with society, movies, and television shows, often show or make it seem.
There are many different types of love, connection, and relationships, and each is very important, regardless of your relationship status. We’ll go over a few types, what they look like, why they’re important, and ways to foster each. To note, these are in no particular order of importance.
Type 1: Friendship
For that matter, romance is not the only love in the relationships in which we’re involved.
Friends are people that you get to choose to spend your time and life with, those with whom you open up, being vulnerable, and who will walk with you through the highs and lows of life. As the quote says, “friends are the family you choose”. Of course, you can definitely be friends with your family or romantic partner, too.
Benefits of Friendships
The major difference is that with friends, you do get great care and affection; it’s just not sexual or romantic in desire. Friendships provide a level of safety and security because it’s someone who truly sees you and chooses to stay by your side. Friends also provide someone to do fun things with, create memories together, and encourage and inspire you to heal, grow, and accept yourself.
Ways to Nurture Friendships
Similar to any other relationship, vulnerability is always the key. Being open with someone and allowing that space for that other person to open up too enables the two of you to develop greater trust over time. Communication can help this process a great deal. Other ways to achieve it are:
Give space for you to both grow and change
Build on commonalities and interests you share
Be in for the long haul-as life changes, shifts happen, or distance occurs
Be open for new friendships even when not expected
Type 2: Eros
Of course, we don’t want to make it sound like we think romantic love isn’t important or beautiful. Because it certainly is! It’s just that it’s not the only type nor necessarily the most important for everyone.
Having a romantic partner, whether through dates, a long-term relationship, or engagement/marriage—can also play a significant role in our overall happiness and life satisfaction. Entering into a partnership requires an equal commitment that allows you to feel chosen and have the opportunity to choose someone over and over again as well.
Benefits of Romance
Although you don’t need a romantic relationship to be happy or fulfilled, it can bring many advantages, which include1:
- Feeling secure: this someone has chosen to stay through thick and thin
- Someone to share life’s burdens when struggles arise
- A person that can support you in growth and establishing healthy patterns
- Dopamine and noradrenaline (happy/positive neurotransmitter) increase2
- Expanding or creating the family you desire
Reducing stress
Fostering a romantic relationship likely starts with dating so that’s a good place to start. But from there, there are a few things that can help you develop and maintain a good relationship with your partner through the highs and lows of life. It calls for practising such things as communication at all possible levels, at all times through the course of the relationship and being self-sacrificing to each other’s service if need be while giving the other person the benefit of the doubt whenever one is able to.
Type 3: Self
Depending on one’s point of view and beliefs, this may be an uber-taboo or a home run hit. Anyway, either way, this is pretty important that we discuss it, so we are just going to throw it right into the middle of our list.
We all have a relationship with ourselves-whether you want to acknowledge it or not. And for so many of us, that is quite poor: a super self-critical and comparative one; it lacks the beliefs to stand strong in itself or, rather disheartening, we are outside the fray: putting others in front.
But if you look at the broader perspective, the most important relationship you will ever have and work at is the one between you and yourself. Because, all said and done, you will be the only person to live with you from the day you are born to the day you die. You will also spend most of your time with yourself, more than with anyone else in your life.
Benefits of Self Love
While it’s not that you can’t love anybody or let them love you until you love yourself, it does make doing those things a great deal easier. How you show up for yourself greatly impacts how you’re able to show up in all your other important relationships too.
Besides that, cultivating a kind relationship with yourself will help you in the following ways:
- Establish healthy limits
- Build healthy independence
- Love and care for others better
- Build self-confidence and positive self-esteem, translating into ALL areas of life: work, hobbies, relationships, spiritual life, mental well-being.
- Create a safe space to be known and accepted, build self-compassion
- When it doesn’t feel safe to be yourself out in the world or with others, you know you always have yourself to come home to.
Ways to Foster a Better Relationship with Yourself
The practice of self-love has as many meanings as there are ways you can do it to further a better relationship with yourself. Below are a few we wanted to share with you to get you started:
- Spend time getting to know yourself, what you’re all about, what you like or don’t, your passions, tendencies, and patterns of thought.
- Take time to be alone. Getting not to always need someone and learning to get comfortable within your skin is most powerful because it raises your self-esteem, assists you in becoming the owner of your life.
- Do things you like. Take time to have fun, let go, and feel free to be yourself (#treatyoself)
- Take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
- Build up a routine and practice of self-compassion
- Celebrate yourself, your uniqueness, what makes you special, affirmations of who you are, where you want to go, and your dreams. Celebrate your wins, both big and small.
Type 4: Family
If earlier we discussed the family we do choose, it’s only fair that we talk about the family we don’t get to pick. Now, we want to be so empathetic because we know this may be a sensitive subject for those who had or have an unhealthy or negative family experience. The good news is that positive family relationships don’t have to be immediate family, blood-related, or anything. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even step-parents or siblings count.
Benefits of Families
While we don’t get to choose our family, and often they are not a healthy relationship in our lives, having familial ties can still be very important in our lives. Your family is often the people you go through the most similar experiences and struggles with, especially growing up. They have also been part of our life since early in our childhood years, long before any friends or spouses come our way. This very fact-they have endured through so long already puts huge security into the feeling that you have finally found someone who knows you and loves you for who you are. Other functions of family relationships include attachment, a feeling of belonging and identity, and giving life meaning.
Ways to Nurture Family Relationships
The one nice thing with family is you don’t need to go hunting for them the way you might do with friendships or romantic relationships. Still important, though – like any kind of relationship that you value to nurture and protect. With said, we find that many our suggestions in our “friends” and “romantic relationships sections” useful. Openness and honesty; allow space to be vulnerable with each other; work on positive communication; service and sacrifice toward each other and let the relationship evolve as it grows and changes with you-i.e. Teen to adult-life moves/shifts etc
Type 5: Pets
Last but not least, no discussion about love would be complete without discussing our beloved pets. Though they may not be able to speak or otherwise engage us as humans do, no matter how intelligent one considers a dog to be, our hooved, feathered, and scaled friends nonetheless serve as some of the most wonderful companions.
Benefits of Pets
Whether you want a cat or a dog, a bird or a bunny, or perhaps even a gerbil or a gecko, there are many benefits to having one.
- Allows you to love something unconditionally
- Improves your physical health and mental health3
- Can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression
- Pets love you unconditionally regardless of your flaws because they cannot see them as humans do.
Ways to Foster a Relationship with Your Pet
The most obvious tip here would be to get a pet. We know, though, that this is not in the time, budget, space, or capability of every reader. So if this is you, try volunteering at a rescue or shelter or even pet sitting/dog walking on the side.
Just being with them is one huge building block towards trusting and loving your pet. Snuggle with them, teach them tricks, and make time to play with them. Sometimes, just simply sit with them as you work or read a book. Create time in the day for them to get attention from you, especially if they are asking for it, love on them and let them love on you. It is always 1000% worth it.
Conclusion
There’s much that can be said by the end, about relationships and the type of love possible this Valentine’s Day or at any time, for that matter. Today, give some attention to your love relationship(s)-with friends, family members, pets, your partner, or yourself. All around you, love is in evidence in so many beautiful, wonderful forms. Remember that it is okay, and you will be worthy of being connected and loved by someone.